Had a long period when I couldn't get back into the thread after replying to tanasii... so I shall resume where I left off

I arrived when I was 16, but I knew all about gum leaves long before that.  We used to get Skippy on telly in the old Dart, hehe... and one of the 1st things I tried when we got here was Sonny's gum leaf whistle call to Skippy.  After a while of tweaking and fiddling with leaf sizes and positions, etc, I actually got some reasonable sounds, though not as good as those the on the show, which I believe were doctored by sound equipment to make 'em sound better, anyhow.

Yeah, just not on the scrotum.

Not everything.... otherwise drakes wouldn't get any.

Oh and duct tape is no good for those lying, scheming, cheating politicians who get away with blue murder, either.... nothing sticks when it comes to those bastards

like that?..   

OUCH!!!

sydneysiders

reply 23

Quoting starkers, reply 21Yeah, just not on the scrotum.

like that?..   

 

Hehe, trust a Brit to come up with something like that.  It reminds me of the postcards that were on sale in most resort towns during the holiday season.  I lived in one of those Devonshire seaside towns that did a roaring trade in comedic postcards, and as kids we used to collect and trade them much like comics or stamps.  Wonder if they still do them... given all the political correctness crap going on over there?  Haven't been back in donkeys years, but according to my mother since her recent return to Oz, I probably wouldn't want to, what with all the changes and restrictions in place there these days.

As kids my mates and our sisters would pick wild blackberries and wild flowers and take them home to our families.... can't do that anymore, it's illegal, big fines.  Same down at the beach... can't remove shells, seaweed, rock fish... anything... zilch.  We used to go to this pebble beach to swim, fish, skip pebbles across the water.  Can still swim... fish... up to a point... but NO skipping pebbles into the water... it's illegal... big fines.  Well fech me, I'd only want to go to relive some of my childhood, and if that's the way it is I'm not feching going... fechin' poms.

Oi, d'yer think they're behind the short sheeting conspiracy?   Wouldn't put it past 'em, eh?

^ First Australian on the moon. Screaming all the way there.

So that's how 'mooning' came about, eh? Good to know.

I'll write to my friend Bob Wyre for more.

Now pet owners and animal lovers, please, I know this level of cost cutting is really, really going to upset you... I mean, dog breeders aren't even filling people's pets properly, but please keep calm and do not take the law into your own hands. 

As you know there are severe penalties for doing things which are perfectly legal for police and other law enforcement personel but not for members of the public, so remember, taking a dog breeder and force-feeding him or her a nightstick where the sun don't shine will not be tolerated by those persons so authorised to do so.

We will take on these cost cutting dog breeders in the courts, in the world parliaments, but please, please do not go down to the nearest dog breeder and smack him or her, okay.  Let the authorities take care of it, orright?

Now I'm going to show you a picture of a dog whose breeder drastically cut corners and did not fill it properly.  It is an upsetting sight, I'll admit, but please remain in control... count to 10, a 100, even a frickin' 1000.... go for a walk, anything... but please do not lose the plot.

Also, before viewing the picture, please remember that the vet is doing all he can to give this poor mutt a chance to lead as normal a life as is possible, so please people, no not go ringing around various vets to seek their assistance here.  Everything that can be done is being done, and Ragamuffin, that's his name, will survive and go on to sire many, many puppies.

That's right, folks, although corners were cut, ragamuffin still has his wedding tackle and will make a great dad one day

Now be absolutely positively sure that you're ready for this, okay?

Once you've seen it you can not just unsee it, okay?

Okay, then.... go ahead.

Here in our house we've decided to go with the hand held bidet sprayer to clean our fronts and behinds and give ourselves enemas free of the 1000 dollar fee and to save on paper money.

Sounds like an alright idea... though I'd worry about getting carried away with the enema part and subsequent overflowing out the ears.

Seriously, doctors charge an arm and a leg for such services, and frankly, I think they're better done in the privacy of your own home if you can do them yourself.... cos if there are any embarrassing moments you're sharing them only with yourself. 

All I can say is thank goodness doctors aren't allowed to post that kinda stuff on You Tube

As for paper, I never thought is was the complete method to personal hygiene, and I am particularly fussy about that particular aspect, stringently so, and as I can't set up any sort of a bidet type arrangement in there, I always keep a container of moisturised baby-type wipe things in the littlest room... as I can never feel clean enough.... and why this is my second thread to expose the cost-cutting of toilet paper manufacturers, among others.

Thems the ones what gots to worry methinks.

Luckily they haven't privatized our water supply system yet.  When that happens I'll probably have to resort to leaves to clean my ass.  They have privatized all our hospitals in the area and closed the one in our town because it wasn't profitable enough.  Many people have died because there was no emergency room nearby.  I personally had to travel 20 miles to an emergency room that was minimally staffed in the evening.  One doctor was serving over 30 patients and there was only one nurse and two technicians on duty.  The technician tried to insert the wrong type of catheter while I screamed.  Eventually they put the correct one in but I was in neuropathic enhanced agony for over an hour due to the damage they caused from the first try and all because they only employ sonogram technicians from 8am to 4pm to save bucks.  A catheter turned out to be unnecessary and they would have known this by using a sonogram to check the bladder.  For profit, for profit, for profit.  The song of mad men.

There is another area where cost cutting should NEVER EVER happen!  No matter the costs, health should be the primary concern of any 1st world nation... otherwise they cease to be 1st world nations and become negligent 2nd/3rd world nations to their citizens. Now the US, with its immeasurable combined wealth, has no excuse whatsoever to withhold/remove/close primary health care and ER facilities... yet it happens.  Same here in Australia, money and budgetary issues often outweigh the need to provide world-class primary health care.  In Tasmania while I lived there, several regional hospitals were closed, leaving emergency patients very long journeys by ambulance to a major city hospital.

Now some of those emergency patients could easily have been treated at one of the regional hospitals because their injuries or condition were not that serious, but no, there was/is no regional hospital, and thus, major city hospitals became overcrowded and grossly understaffed because most regional staff were not relocated, just terminated. But like you said, it's about money, money and more money... profit, profit, profit no matter at what cost.

Frankly, I'd like for to get the pencil pushers who decide the fates of others with the stroke of a pencil/pen, slap 'em around the jowls a bit, inflict something abominable on them and force them to go through all the bullshit and procedure we ordinary folk have to endure before we even see a nurse, doctor, x-ray technician... then make them wait the same 11 - 12 hours we do to actually receive some kind of medical acknowledgement that we're even there.

Another area of cost cutting I find unacceptable, while it's not as serious as health and toilet paper cost cutting, is with doors to the cubicles in public and/or shared toilets.

I hadn't really thought about this until today, but there I was, doing what I always do to help pass the time while I'm taking the time to 'pass', and that's reading the graffiti on the walls/door, and I spotted this bit at the bottom of the door: "Beware of limbo dancers!"

Well didn't that startle me into a bolt upright position.... as I looked around me to see if any had snuck in while i was reading the crap on the walls. Luckily for me none had!  However, that's not good enough!  Once I had composed myself - well enough - I looked towards the bottom of the door and was absolutely flabbergasted just how big the gap was to the floor.

"Never mind the limbo dancers. " I thought: "What about midgets dwarfs, fer crikey's sake?  I mean, it's not like they've got far to bend before they can pop their head under the door and say "Hello!""

Now while some of you may think that's funny or "where's the harm in it", just think about the elderly and the feint of heart.... and then there's such a thing as 'stage fright', when people can't go if the think/feel somebody's watching.  It mightn't seem like a serious thing, but believe me, it is.  Now I think back on it, there was a time when this kid stuck his head under the door and shouted "BOO" at the top of his voice, Let me tell you, there was positively  absolutely no resuming the necessary after that incursion into my ablutions.... the fright and ensuing panic.  I had to go home halfway thru and wait 'til the next day to finish what I'd started. It was horrifying, and anybody who's suffered constipation knows what I'm talking about...polishing off 2 x 2 litre buckets off prune juice due to the interruption of regularity.

Yup, all this because some cost cutting bugger(s) decided to leave a feching gap under the cubicle door.... and there's more than just the one reason why the door should go all the way to the floor.  Like those people who are... and you all know who I'm talking about, absolutely, positively pusilanimous. what's more, I don't have to spell it out why the door NEEDS to go to the floor, do I?  I mean, everyone who works has one or more of these at the office, and when you know they've 'been' you wisely decide to go to the bathroom on the next floor down/up. Trouble is, there's one or more stinker on every floor... and that much time floor hopping in the elevator can get you fired.

Another reason cubicle door should go all the way to the floor is 'time out' when you just need a few minutes to yourself to think straight after a hectic morning.  There you are quietly sitting in the cubicle and the boss comes in seeking you out, but you deliberately don't answer his call and hope he/she goes away, though deep down you know he/she is about to get down on his hands and knees and start looking under the cubicles doors.  That's when you stand up on the pedestal and hold your breath..."Ah, thank God he/she is gone." and with the sigh of relief you lose your footing.. and now you've got wet socks into the bargain. Worse still, you didn't bring any spares... cos frankly, who foresees paddling in the toilet before leaving home for work? 

I can't quite make up my mind as to the best reason cubicle doors should go all the way to the floor.  I don't have a boss to hide from and I've not had wet socks in years, so while it may very well be a valid reason, my vote has to go elsewhere.  Now I'm also relieved of the pusilanimous office colleague(s) because I'm a home body these days, but I have been forced to walk 6 blocks to the next public toilet because somebody had 'died' in the closest one. 

That would constitute as a major inconvenience for sure, but there is a greater reason, and I think that's having some horrible midget/dwarf/kid sticking their head under the door, scaring your sphincter shut tight, then laughing all the way home about it while you're in agony half started, half finished - could never make my mind up - and your heart up in your mouth.  For me, that probably has the most devastating effect of all and my vote goes there for all-the-way-to-the-floor cubicle doors.

Something else, another couple reasons came to mind, being that a couple of movies just popped up 'Snakes on a Plane' and 'Arachnophobia', and I feel that some would feel more comfortable knowing there'd be no legless and eight legged intruders coming to visit... well except for those pusilanimous persons who could leave the door open and no self-respecting snake/spider would dare to enter.  Anyhow, it's further food for thought.

Another case of breeder cost cutting....

These used to have longer legs

And do you think this would have happened if this sausage dog had  longer legs to get away?

I don't think so!  And just look at the poor little bugger's face... as he sees the mustard bottle drawing ever closer before he is consumed.

It's just not right that breeder cost cutting has put this poor little fella in such a predicament... but more to the point, it doesn't mean he's edible just because he's a sausage dog.

I mean, don't it make you sad to know that moments after this pic was taken, some gigantic brute consumed him.... eaten him all gone?

If so, go to your local sausage dog breeders and insist... in fact, demand you wanna see 'em with longer legs from now on.

Oh and the reason I called it a sausage dog rather than a dachshund is cos I can't spell it.

That's some dialogue there Mark. Betcha can't say it all three timesfast. Research you understand. Statistical analysis and all that good stuff.

Yeah, I'm trying to add a bit of fun and light relief to help spice up the forums, to make them a bit more interesting with different bits of tech information and/or silliness... in the hope of getting more people participating to make it even more enjoyable and/or interesting.

Well I've done my bit, as have the regular contributors... now it's up to the rest.  Hopefully they will join in and have a ball like us lunatics, hey.