Installing A Husband
Thursday, August 4, 2011 by Hankers | Discussion: Stardock Support General
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5
and then installed undesirable programs such as
· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
DEAR DESPERATE
First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command:ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2..5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend -
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck!
Tech Support
lol!Reply #4 Thursday, August 4, 2011 9:03 AM
Hope you kept the receipt so can take him back and get a refund or replacement.
Reply #5 Thursday, August 4, 2011 9:04 AM
Looking for a new hubby in the stardock support section, Hank? LMAO 
Reply #6 Thursday, August 4, 2011 9:56 AM
"Support" also received this letter:
Subject: Wife 1.0
To: Technical Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that
took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In
addition, Wife1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other
system activity.
Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5
and Monday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run some of my other favorite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
but the un-install for Wife 1.0 does not work.
Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks,
Chris
Tech Support Writes Back
Dear Chris:
This is a very common problem male employees complain
about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many
people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that
Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and
designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you
would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would
cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files
from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend
7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried
to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more
problems than the original system.
Look in your help files under “Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support”. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with
the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also
suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults(GPFs). You must assume all
responsibility for faults and problems that might
occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be
to enter the DOS-command
C:\APOLOGIZE or click the I’M SORRY! Icon for Macintosh
systems. In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE/SORRY
command before the operating system will return to normal. The
system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all
the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high
maintenance.
Consider buying additional software to improve the performance
of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0.
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is
likely to cause irreversible damage to YOUR hardware.
Best of luck.
Tech support
Reply #7 Thursday, August 4, 2011 11:24 AM
Hankers, Wiz, thanks for the morning humor, greatly appreciated. 
Reply #10 Thursday, August 4, 2011 1:55 PM
To say nothing of future upgrades. Wonder what they'll be like.
Reply #11 Thursday, August 4, 2011 6:57 PM
Omg, hysterical and informative. 
I think I might avoid the "upgrade" and just stick with my current package. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. No need to take old bugs out and put new ones in, no thanks.
Reply #12 Thursday, August 4, 2011 7:26 PM
Funny, I have never had any issues with my Husband 1.0. I do need to run 2 maintenance programs on a regular basis : Food 3.5 and Sex 6.9 are the easiest ways to keep your Husband 1.0 program running smoothly.
Ah, yes, that can be bad sometimes, but I've discovered an easy workaround. All you have to do is be sure to install Tequila 4.0 in the Wife 1.0 program, then the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta does not seem to bother the Wife 1.0 at all.
Reply #15 Friday, August 5, 2011 8:21 AM
^ too true.... later, in the grocery...
Looks like someone's about to run CCleaner...
Reply #16 Friday, August 5, 2011 8:50 AM
As I don't drink or smoke anymore, its the mexician food that gets me. hehe
But as I'am single I don't have any problems anymore.
Reply #18 Friday, August 5, 2011 12:01 PM
Good Advice. This has kept my OS going for nearly 26 years.....
Reply #20 Friday, August 5, 2011 4:01 PM
Lots and lots of wild apps out there looking for a desktop near you,
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Reply #1 Thursday, August 4, 2011 8:46 AM