Any time is fine with Starkers!

Now thats strange! Must be homeland security or something...lol

Now that really would have made my day... had you done that.  Hehe, I woulda got you to stay a little longer just to scare the bejesus out of my son.  He'd have had a pink fit ... he likes to partake of a little wacky tobaccy now and then, and the sight of vampire fangs woulda freaked him right out.

Oh you big woos, BoXXi.  You' and my son would make great companions at a horror movie...

... jumping into each other's laps when the scary bits come on.

Would that be "any time" Homeland Security is NOT tapping your phone? 

Dunno about you, but I got nothing to hide!  Homeland Security would be well aware by now that I possess a weapon of mass destruction...

.... but I really don't think they'd consider curried cabbage a threat over the phone.

Yeah, that was weird!  After I attempted to leave a message on your machine ( don't know if it worked or not), a recorded female voice said to press the star button.  I did so and was then asked to enter in a password. 

Like WTF, "I don't know that!!!!" so I promptly hung up before I got myself into any more trouble.

Oh well, these things are sent to try us. I had a frustrating time getting BoXXi as well... kept getting "can not be connected" message, but I'm a persistent old bugger and I will try again, 'til I succeed. 

And what a pain in the arse all thes different time zones and daylight saving, not daylight saving is.  Now who's bright idea was that?  Like all those frickin' extra number to dial overseas isn't confusing enough.

Us old folk don't cope so well with all that... it's a bit like an old dog learning new tricks

So if you had an afternoon with Kitty Malone (who she'll always be to me) does that turn into an evening with Vampothika?

Hey Jack, it's nice to see you in here.

Ok, I have to be honest here, I was a little worried about that to begin with.... at my age you need all your blood to get up in the mornings.  So yeah, at first I was rather hoping the sun wouldn't go down before Kitty left to go home.

The other thing that worried me was the full moon rising. For it's then that I strip off (not a pretty sight, believe me... and something I would NOT have wanted Kitty to see ) and sit atop the back fence howling at it... tho that's getting riskier these days.  Last time I nearly got nabbed by the pound.

All jokes aside, though, our afternoon together was very nice and I hope there are many more.  Despite Kitty calling my shandy poofter beer , she really is a lovely lady and I was honoured by her visit, as was mrs starkers.

Oh, and another thing I forgot in the OP - don't suppose it matters now, being the day's now gone and it won't cause a panic - but I was struggling holding onto a 'ripper' practically all day while Kitty was here.... and I was so careful to abstain from curried cabbage in the preceding days to avoid that eventuating, too.  Guess it must have been hiding in a bend in there somewhere.

Anyhow, while it wasn't so urgent when Kitty arrived, it bacame increasingly difficult as the afternoon wore on and the pressure mounted.  Yup, there were times when I could feel myself going cross-eyed and red in the face... and more than once Kitty asked if I was ok.  Don't think she believed me when I said that her diddy little Dell was heavier than I thought.

I continued to work on Kitty's PC while she and Shaunna spoke between themselves, but every so often I would look up and notice Kitty looking at my (by now) much redder face and crossed eyes.  For a while there I thought she was going to say that she'd prefer somebody who could see straight to work on her PC, but no, she again enquired to see if I was ok.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just that your diddy Dell is a lot heavier now I've put XP on it." 

Nothing more was said, but I got the feeling she still didn't believe me.  Never mind, I got the PC all done and closed it up, by which time it was nearly 5.00pm and time for Kitty to make her way home. 

Yup, it took me all afternoon just to put in a new drive, partition it and install XP.  Would have taken less time, but hey, have you ever tried to do work with delicate hardware and piddling little screws when you have an an impending earshplittenloudenboomer just busting to announce itself to the world?  You're red in the face, your temperature is rising, your eyes keep going crossed and your hands are shaking, not not mention the chair beneath you shaking violently from the rumblings in yer belly.  It wasn't easy but I digress.

When Kitty was ready to leave, I thought that I be a gentleman and carry her puter out to her car... and believe me, that was a feat within itself, bending over to pick it up without exerting too much pressure on my inner workings.  There were a couple of nervous moments (which, as you well know, can exacerbate the issue) while bending down and rising again with the PC, but I exercised super-human restraint, squeezed my 'butt cheeks' together like nobody's business and averted a mini-eruption.  Well I don't know about 'mini'...  holding it in all day n' all.

Once Kitty had driven off and around the corner I could exercise no more restraint and had to let rip that which had caused me so much discomfort during the afternoon.  What a relief!

Now that was something else! When we spoke on the phone a while later, I forgot to ask Kitty is she had noticed any rumbling beneath her car while stopped at the intersection prior to exiting our street.

omg and he talks about some one's smelly socks  mmmmm   I really need a Holiday to get away from this walking talking  gastank

DISCLAIMER:

For those with delicate sensibilities; those who worry about global warming and pollution; those who think: "That's disgusting", etcera, etcera, all fart references [referred to as 'ripper' in the article for artistic license reasons]  in the above post [@ #45] are purely fiction and did not happen.  Part 1: It was written purely for entertainment purposes; Part II, no animals or persons were harmed during writing or actual events; Part II, all consideration to the environment was given, all environmental laws were observed and no pollution actually occurred to the surrounding habitat and/or atmosphere.

Furthermore, in the first instance, no offense was intended at the time of writing or during actual events, nor should any be taken [See Part I.)  In the second instance, if any of the above events depict the lives and or events of anyone living or dead, and/or actual events of anyone else's lives known to those living or dead, this is purely coincidental and no inference was intended; or should be taken

Despite your disclaimer, I am very concerned about the decline in wildlife numbers in your part of the country, the increase in acid rain, and the reduction in topsoil levels

Not only that, Fuzzy but what life that's left is incredibly lethal.

Heck, you can't even look at a moth lest it turn into a vampire bat, rabid buzzard or some other nightmarish life form.

I've heard tell that due to the mutagenic properties of his 'emissions', even the earthworms have developed anaconda like characteristics.

I'm thinking apocalyptic wasteland. Heck, Mel Gibson might even come home

Like ACDC and Russel Crowe....Mel isn't actually an Aussie.

All three just got their start here....

Yeah, even Australia didn't want them...

Nor Paul Hogan, from what I've heard....but he does hail from there...and shares some characteristics with the lethal denizens.

No need to worry about the decline in wildlife in my parts... it's not dead, it just moved interstate to escape the pungent gas odours emanating from a certain address in this vicinity.

Also, the acid rain is not the result of curried cabbage gas emissions!  That is the direct result of all the hot air expelled from parliament house... our pollies are known for acid tongues as well as childish bickering.

And lastly, the top soil erosion has been linked to the acid rain.  Again, our politicians have found a way to eff things up, palm it off on global warming and pollution, then find a way to charge the public somehow for their fuck-up.

Again, Doc, those mutations are the direct result of gov't bungling and tinkering in matters it does not understand... and for granting operating licenses to corporate bastards who simply don't give a stuff koalas, kangaroos or earthworms.

Mel gibson is already home... born in the US, came here to get a start they wouldn't give him, then went back once he learned how to act.  The rest is history.

When did that happen?

Neither is John Farnham; Olivia Newton John; Crowded House; Mi Sex; Jimmy Barnes; Don Lane or a whole host of others claimed as great Aussie entertainers.  All but Don Lane (US) the rest are either from the UK or NZ

In fact the only true Aussie entertainers are Ernie Dingo, David Gulpilil and other indigenous entertainers.  Sadly, they neither get the recognition or the money the imports get.

I think it was on a Highway stop... something about too little blood in his alcohol...

Well it didn't!!!  Not really!  The media hinted that he could act, and the next thing you know people are flocking to cinemas to see something he's in, not because he was good at it, but because the newspapers said he was.  Yup, some people believe everything they read.

Personally, I think it was a conspiracy hatched by the studios, the cinema owners and the press.  Box office takings were down and they needed a gimmic/ploy to boost profits... Mel Gibson was that vehicle and hyped up to the max by the media to generate interest again in cinema going. The movie moguls/cinema owners needed a character the majority of people on the planet would identify with, a downtrodden underdog who's mad at the world, and thus Mad Max was born.

Two sequels later and the world is still as mad as hell, but that's not enough for these movie/cinema moguls.  No, they now have the press hyping up a third Mad Max sequel with another lead actor, purely to part more mad bastards from their money... before their ever-increasing lunacy and declining economic times means they have no more money.

Anyway, this off-topic digression fails to further the intent of the OP and readers shall now have their normal service resumed.

Yes, very naughty digression. Have kitty come sort me out...

Are you really sure you want me to do that?

Although Kitty is normally a warm, wonderful and gentle person with a heart of gold, she apparently has this wicked disciplinary streak that has seen violators... naughty boys such as yourself, begging for mercy.  Let's just say that corporal punishment at school was nothing compared to her disciplinary wrath.  It supposedly entails feathers and being bound and gagged....

... and if the vid goes viral on the internet you'll never live it down.