Gents use with caution

Seeing as how I couldnt have the tiolet that I wanted with the pink fluffy cover I have decided that I would go for a prsonalized look , and bugger starkers he can go out side

I'll be going outside orright... wouldn't wanna be accused of sh!tting on you, now, would I!

I've already stated that I suffer from stage fright... and you go n' suggest that? \

Why do you think we never polish the mirrors or silverware around here!

Besides, having me staring up would make 'stage fright' contagious... nobody 'd be able to go.

The night was dark the moon was blue, when around the corner the shit wagon flew.

A "thump", a scream was loudly heard.

A man was killed by a flying turd.

Upon his grave was writ.

" This man was killed by flying shit."

 - and that's all I got to say about thaat -

Think twice about "having a seat" when Shaunna's in a bad mood, Cap'n!! 

Some people come to shit and stink

Other come to sit and think

But I came to scratch my balls

and write crap on the shithouse walls.

Something I once read in a 'work' convenience.

And another...

It's no use standing on the seat

The crabs in here can jump 10 feet.

Nah, I thought me at least I would get my way with this one

orrrr right here goes mine.....

Beans, beans, are good for your heart!
The more you eat, the more you fart!
The more you fart, the better you feel,
So let's have beans for every meal!

Going down the highway
Highway number 4,
  Starkers let a fart
And blew me out the door;
The wheels started shaking,
The engine fell apart,
All because of  Starkers
Supersonic fart!

This guy is seriously Touching Cloth. You know how it is, when you gotta go, you gotta go!

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss.

The brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss."

The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss."

The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss."

And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss.

Finally, the asshole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss.

All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the asshole being the boss. The asshole got so angry that he blocked himself off and refused to function.

Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides. All pleaded with the brain to let the asshole be declared the boss.

And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the asshole just bossed and passed out a lot of crap.

THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old asshole.

Doc, u may want to take ear phones with you the next time u go to the loo

A fact several of my employers over the years proved beyond doubt... like one who wondered why his mobile phone didn't work after using it to hammer in a nail that was sticking out of a cupboard we were moving.

While we're on the subject of toilets, it reminds me of a time some years back when my mother came out of the ladies in a major shopping centre with a smile all over he face....

When asked what was so amusing, she told me that while she was sitting on the throne she noticed this tiny writing at the bottom of the cubicle door, which didn't meet the floor by about 18 inches or so.  Unable to read it while sitting normally she leaned forward and down to see what it said, which was: "Beware of limbo dancers"

Here I sit broken hearted, tried to poo, but only farted.

Gives a whole new meaning to being "board" crapless!

Maybe this will help doc , I just wish I had one

Here are are two I've seen:

Here I sit upon the pooper

Giving birth to an IL State Trooper.

And this one above a urinal:

Don't look up here,the joke is in your hand.

LOL...thanx, Shaunna!

Seeing as this thread has descended into the bowels (no pun intended) of decency, here's one for you.

A couple are walking along a country lane when she feels the call of nature. So she goes behind a hedge for a pee.

Her boyfriend, being a cheeky lad, decides this is a good opportunity for a 'feel', so he stretches his hand through the hedge and starts to grope. Suddenly, he comes across something large, hard and warm.

"Oh darling" he says, "have you changed sex?"

"No" she replies, "I've changed my mind - I'm having a crap..."