You know you are addicted to technology when...
Thursday, December 4, 2008 by ALMonty | Discussion: Community
You know you are addicted to technology when...
You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
In computer shops, you eavesdrop on a salesman talking with customers, butt in to correct him and spend 20 minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesman stands by silently, nodding his head.
You say "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels saying it.
You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say "digital compression". Everyone understands what you mean and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.
You say "voice number" instead of "phone number" as the majority of phone lines in any house are linked to contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
You back up your data every day.
On holiday, you read a computer manual and turn the pages faster than those who read John Grisham novels.
You go to trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you can't give someone directions to your house without looking up street names.
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
You understand all these jokes.
If so, technology has taken over your life. We suggest you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
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Reply #162 Monday, December 29, 2008 3:58 AM
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."
The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
Reply #163 Monday, December 29, 2008 4:01 AM
LMAO Wiz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loved the CAT SCAN pun hehehe
Reply #164 Monday, December 29, 2008 4:34 PM
You know you're addicted to technology when you start breeding dogs like....
Reply #165 Monday, December 29, 2008 4:40 PM
That doesn't work??
I bought 2 robo-raptors in the hope of breeding them, now you say it won't work!! Hmmm.. maybe if I use duracell batteries?
Reply #166 Monday, December 29, 2008 4:53 PM
Yup, the Duracell batteries help... but you also gotta sit 'em down in front of the TV (more technology) and show them a National Geographic documentary or two... that usually does the trick, sort of liker educational porn just to get 'em acquainted, so to speak.
However, do NOT show them XXX porn... that gets them over-excited and the male generally suffers from premature ionisation prior to the commencement of breeding.
Reply #167 Monday, December 29, 2008 5:13 PM
LMAO!!!!!
How about eveready batteries, seems to work for that rabbit it's the robot's viagra
Reply #168 Monday, December 29, 2008 6:00 PM
Hmmmm..... Eveready. You'd have a lot of Robopuppies around. Eating RoboChow. Making lots of RoboPooh.
* sigh. There go the rugs.
Reply #169 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:30 AM
Ah, so that's what I've been doing wrong...Eveready, eh! I've been sticking my tongue on the terminals of the wrong batteries all this time. 
Not to mention RoboHoles all over tha backyard where the RoboBones are burried... and shredded trouser legs from all that Robo leg humping.
Reply #170 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 12:36 AM
You might have to get him 'fixed' at the robo-vet, before he gets taken away by the robo-R.S.P.C.A or.. -> ROBO COPS
Reply #171 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 1:40 AM
Oh, he's gonna get 'fixed' orright... I'm sick and tired of having to replace shredded trousers.
You know you're addicted to technology when you try to bribe RoboCop with a pack of silicon chips. 
Robo Society for Pooches Crapping Ad-Lib. 
Reply #172 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 1:35 PM
Reply #173 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 4:06 PM
You might have to get him 'fixed' at the robo-vetDo they take his bolts when they take his nuts?
hahah I think so
I remember a cat I use to have, Mulder, when I got him back from the vet after getting him fixed, they had tied a PINK BOW around his neck, wtf!?!?!? was that saying to me, Yer cat is a fairy now? 
Reply #174 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:24 PM
Hey there TG, love seeing you again. Actually they tried to tie a bow on me when I got snipped 30 years ago. Pissed me off. I told them it didn't go with my dress. Buggers.
Reply #175 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:25 PM
How are my unwitting playthings getting along?
In truth, my dog turned into a cat when I spilt irradiated water coolant all over him. When I turned up at the doctors, you can imagine how stupid I looked when I told the doctor "My dog turned into a cat. What can you do?".
Reply #176 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:47 PM
LMAO!!! Ed, awesome seeing you too buddy
Undying, well look on the bright side, your dog is now smarter
Reply #177 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 6:00 PM
Well, technically, my dog is now a cat, and I'm writing this to deliberately start a semantic arguement. To create a two-front arguement, I am in fact a warlock, so it may well be offensive or even dangerous to my sanity if I looked on a 'bright side'. The dark side is definitely for me, so, looking on the dark side, my dog-turned-cat will now cough up furballs.
Reply #178 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 6:08 PM
lol The so-called dark side might have it's appeal, but that wears off with age and as your intellect grows, you'll see it's all garbage
Been there, done that 
Tech addicted cat?
Reply #179 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 6:17 PM
No. He's much more interested in animorphing and unleashing a tyrannical reign of muder, crime and mindless killing sprees supported by his own horrifically twisted version of the law over the entire world. That is, if I let him become human.
Reply #180 Tuesday, December 30, 2008 6:27 PM
Translate this!
Warum kümmern Sie, Ihre Zeitverschwendung übersetzen dies? Sie könnte Kontrolle über die ganze Welt inzwischen angenommen worden haben.
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Reply #161 Monday, December 29, 2008 2:39 AM
hehe IF I had a laptop!!!
oh, he's threatening to renovate my face again