Pilot Gripe Sheet
Wednesday, November 21, 2007 by Ranger375 | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.
The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some 'actual' maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)
P: Left inside main tire (tyre) almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire (tyre).
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
Feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.
The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some 'actual' maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)
P: Left inside main tire (tyre) almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire (tyre).
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
Feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
starkers
Reply #2 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 3:55 AM
Reply #2 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 3:55 AM
Brilliant 
....except for: "P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Qantas pilots & ground crew would use tyre
Other than that, bloody great, mate.
....except for: "P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire."Qantas pilots & ground crew would use tyre
Other than that, bloody great, mate.
2of3
Reply #3 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 5:41 AM
Reply #3 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 5:41 AM
P: Troll in baggage compartment
S: Troll located and thumped
S: Troll located and thumped
starkers
Reply #5 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 6:49 AM @ #3....very good, 2of3, very good indeed. 
P: Mile high clubbers stuck in toilet behind cockpit.
S: Not stuck, we'll be out shortly.
Reply #5 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 6:49 AM
@ #3....very good, 2of3, very good indeed. P: Mile high clubbers stuck in toilet behind cockpit.
S: Not stuck, we'll be out shortly.
starkers
Reply #10 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 11:10 AM
That's good news...I gotta sit in the front seats due to leg-room issues, so it's the toot I have to use.
Actually, I'm reminded of a time when the missus and I were flying from Tasmania to Queensland....
Having been a frequent flier, I knew the flight attendant fairly well so was game to joke after the pre-flight safety instructions/bit about it being a non-smoking flight: "The smoke alarms in the toilets are monitored in the cockpit...anyone breaching the no smoking regulation will be asked to leaved the aircraft immediately."
"Bugger, that means I won't be able to have the obligatory smoke after joining the mile high club"
She was stitches for most of the take-off....quess I must've made her day, the missus and I got (more than) excellent service and a couple of extras usually reserved for the toffs in business class.
Reply #10 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 11:10 AM
Fixed it Starkers...
That's good news...I gotta sit in the front seats due to leg-room issues, so it's the toot I have to use.
Actually, I'm reminded of a time when the missus and I were flying from Tasmania to Queensland....
Having been a frequent flier, I knew the flight attendant fairly well so was game to joke after the pre-flight safety instructions/bit about it being a non-smoking flight: "The smoke alarms in the toilets are monitored in the cockpit...anyone breaching the no smoking regulation will be asked to leaved the aircraft immediately."
"Bugger, that means I won't be able to have the obligatory smoke after joining the mile high club"
She was stitches for most of the take-off....quess I must've made her day, the missus and I got (more than) excellent service and a couple of extras usually reserved for the toffs in business class.
Ranger375
Reply #11 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 11:23 AM
Reply #11 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 11:23 AM
I just read a story on the news that a couple was tossed from a flight for joining the mile high club. 
scott57
Reply #12 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 12:59 PM
Reply #12 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 12:59 PM
fantastic read...haven't laughed so hard in a long time
thanks for making my day
thanks for making my day
starkers
Reply #13 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 1:04 PM
Yeah, I saw something along those lines on Major Geeks' 'Way Off Base' news section .... hopefully they were ejected after touchdown - if not, given parachutes and loin cloths.
Reply #13 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 1:04 PM
I just read a story on the news that a couple was tossed from a flight for joining the mile high club.
Yeah, I saw something along those lines on Major Geeks' 'Way Off Base' news section .... hopefully they were ejected after touchdown - if not, given parachutes and loin cloths.
Ranger375
Reply #14 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 11:00 PM
Reply #14 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 11:00 PM
Glad you liked it Sargan - I had the same reaction.
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Reply #1 Wednesday, November 21, 2007 1:11 AM