Computers vs Cars
Thursday, October 18, 2007 by messiah1 | Discussion: WinCustomize Talk
Now I love my PC just as much as the next person (well, maybe not as much as Zubaz...that's just creepy) but I thought this was funny...
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and
affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a
recent computer expo
(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the
auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the
computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors
issued a press release
stating: "If GM had developed technology like
Microsoft, we would all
be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash every day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road,you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off."
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and
affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a
recent computer expo
(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the
auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the
computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors
issued a press release
stating: "If GM had developed technology like
Microsoft, we would all
be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash every day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road,you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off."
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ZubaZ
Reply #3 Thursday, October 18, 2007 1:05 PM
Reply #3 Thursday, October 18, 2007 1:05 PM
What the hell?!?!? 
My PC has always consented to anything I've asked of it. How can that be creepy?
My PC has always consented to anything I've asked of it. How can that be creepy?
MySecret
Reply #4 Thursday, October 18, 2007 1:08 PM
Reply #4 Thursday, October 18, 2007 1:08 PM
Anything Zubaz ? 
Too funny Messiah and sooo true
It's My Secret
Too funny Messiah and sooo true
It's My Secret
unclerob
Reply #5 Thursday, October 18, 2007 2:38 PM
- that's a bit of an open ended statement... what have you been asking it?
.... Just kidding (no offense meant)
Mentioning that reminded me of something, recently while driving home, my wife & I witnessed an accident, we stopped and got out to see if anyone was hurt, we ended up calling an ambulance because an older couple in one of the cars was experiencing chest pains (we thought the shock of the accident was going to give them heart attacks or something by the looks of things). The other car was driven by a younger driver and he was driving a newer car - his airbag deployed because it was a head on collision. Anyways, the smell of the gases released because of the airbag deployment were toxic. It may have saved him from some physical injury but I'm sure the fumes he inhaled were hazardous to his health, lungs aren't meant to inhale those types of gases - what would somebody do if they're stuck in the car and can't get out and they're forced to inhale that crap for an extended period of time? Crazy stuff....
Anyways back to our regularly scheduled show....
Reply #5 Thursday, October 18, 2007 2:38 PM
My PC has always consented to anything I've asked of it. How can that be creepy?
- that's a bit of an open ended statement... what have you been asking it?
.... Just kidding (no offense meant)
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
Mentioning that reminded me of something, recently while driving home, my wife & I witnessed an accident, we stopped and got out to see if anyone was hurt, we ended up calling an ambulance because an older couple in one of the cars was experiencing chest pains (we thought the shock of the accident was going to give them heart attacks or something by the looks of things). The other car was driven by a younger driver and he was driving a newer car - his airbag deployed because it was a head on collision. Anyways, the smell of the gases released because of the airbag deployment were toxic. It may have saved him from some physical injury but I'm sure the fumes he inhaled were hazardous to his health, lungs aren't meant to inhale those types of gases - what would somebody do if they're stuck in the car and can't get out and they're forced to inhale that crap for an extended period of time? Crazy stuff....
Anyways back to our regularly scheduled show....
messiah1
Reply #7 Thursday, October 18, 2007 3:34 PM
Reply #7 Thursday, October 18, 2007 3:34 PM
What the hell?!?!?
My PC has always consented to anything I've asked of it. How can that be creepy?
My PC has always consented to anything I've asked of it. How can that be creepy?
Lantec
Reply #8 Thursday, October 18, 2007 3:47 PM
GM better watch out. Those Caddy's with Onstar may start having BSODs or directing people to Ford dealerships if they mess with MS.
Bill's right though. The auto industry is only concerned with status quo. Over the years there's been lots of stories out there about GM buying up patents on technology breakthroughs so they can keep them from coming out. Who knows if they're true.
Reply #8 Thursday, October 18, 2007 3:47 PM
GM better watch out. Those Caddy's with Onstar may start having BSODs or directing people to Ford dealerships if they mess with MS.
Bill's right though. The auto industry is only concerned with status quo. Over the years there's been lots of stories out there about GM buying up patents on technology breakthroughs so they can keep them from coming out. Who knows if they're true.
WeatherBound
Reply #9 Thursday, October 18, 2007 4:39 PM
I think if we are able to clone animals and what not. be leave me the technology is out there.
Reply #9 Thursday, October 18, 2007 4:39 PM
Over the years there's been lots of stories out there about GM buying up patents on technology breakthroughs so they can keep them from coming out. Who knows if they're true.
I think if we are able to clone animals and what not. be leave me the technology is out there.
messiah1
Reply #11 Thursday, October 18, 2007 4:49 PM
Zubaz has taken over WeatherBound's profile...be afwaid, be vewy afwaid.
Reply #11 Thursday, October 18, 2007 4:49 PM
Massiah1
Zubaz has taken over WeatherBound's profile...be afwaid, be vewy afwaid.
Chris TH
Reply #14 Friday, October 19, 2007 8:04 AM
Reply #14 Friday, October 19, 2007 8:04 AM
An Oldie, but a goodie... some of the youngsters may want to update it
DOS AIR All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, etcetera.
WINDOWS '95 AIRLINES The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. After waiting in the terminal for 6 months, you begin to wonder why your plane has not arrived yet. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning.
MAC AIRWAYS The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
OS/2 SKYWAYS The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. Airline personnel walk around, apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems.
FLY WINDOWS NT All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
WINGS of OS/400 The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club.
MVS AIRLINES The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors!
UNIX EXPRESS Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.
DOS AIR All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, etcetera.
WINDOWS '95 AIRLINES The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. After waiting in the terminal for 6 months, you begin to wonder why your plane has not arrived yet. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning.
MAC AIRWAYS The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
OS/2 SKYWAYS The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. Airline personnel walk around, apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems.
FLY WINDOWS NT All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
WINGS of OS/400 The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club.
MVS AIRLINES The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors!
UNIX EXPRESS Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.
messiah1
Reply #15 Friday, October 19, 2007 8:43 AM
Thats the best one right there...
Reply #15 Friday, October 19, 2007 8:43 AM
UNIX EXPRESS Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.
Thats the best one right there...
Jafo
Reply #16 Friday, October 19, 2007 10:00 AM
Reply #16 Friday, October 19, 2007 10:00 AM
What's amazing is that there appears to be people who are reading that for the FIRST time....
messiah1
Reply #17 Friday, October 19, 2007 10:40 AM
Some of us aren't over a half a century old and don't "live" on the computer...
Reply #17 Friday, October 19, 2007 10:40 AM
What's amazing is that there appears to be people who are reading that for the FIRST time....
Some of us aren't over a half a century old and don't "live" on the computer...
vStyler
Reply #19 Friday, October 19, 2007 11:12 AM
Easy mark.
Reply #19 Friday, October 19, 2007 11:12 AM
I still wonder how *I* got dragged into this.
Easy mark.
Lantec
Reply #20 Friday, October 19, 2007 11:38 AM
Ouch!
Reply #20 Friday, October 19, 2007 11:38 AM
Some of us aren't over a half a century old and don't "live" on the computer.
Ouch!
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Reply #1 Thursday, October 18, 2007 12:44 PM