I need a joke today
I'll start
Tuesday, June 6, 2017 by BigDogBigFeet | Discussion: Life, the Universe and Everything
Signs seen at the restaurant workers' pep rally.
"EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS AFTER THEY PICK IT"
"NO CRACK MINING AT THE KID'S MEAL STATION"
"PLEASE DON'T SNEEZE IN THE CARRY OUT BAGS"
"REMEMBER TO SMILE AND SAY WELCOME TO FLUFFY'S FOOT LONGS"
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Reply #146 Monday, November 21, 2022 8:50 PM
A man has a construction job, it is bone crushing dirty, sweaty hard work.
8 hours 9 hours 10 hours a day maybe 6 days a week maybe 5.
When he gets home he takes a shower to wash off the dirt.
He is now thinking about what he has to do tomorrow to keep his job, and all
the other problems that he has to solve like keeping the car running and how to save some money.
There is a lot to think about and he might be tired.
But he is not done yet, his girl friend says "you don't even know me".
Soon he will hear this timeless phrase.
"I love you but I'm not in love with you"
"I would fix it, if I could".
Now it is time for the man to fix it.
He can take all the time he needs.
Forever.
Reply #147 Wednesday, November 30, 2022 9:33 PM
I changed my mind after recovering from the food poisoning.
Reply #148 Thursday, December 1, 2022 8:20 PM
Women like the fool for love doll door mat.
Pick up one for Christmas.
Reply #151 Sunday, December 4, 2022 10:48 PM
I changed my mind after recovering from the food poisoning.
Reply #153 Monday, December 5, 2022 6:16 PM
A farmer got pulled over by a cop for speeding
and the cop started to lecture the farmer
about his speed and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the cop got around to writing out the ticket and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The cop stopped writing the ticket and said
"Well yeah, if that's what they are-- I never heard of circle flies".
So the farmer says "Well, circle flies are common on farms.
See, they're called circle flies because
they're almost always found circling around a horses a r s e."
The cop says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.
Then after a minute he stops and says,
"Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me an a r s e?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer.
I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses a r s e."
The cop says "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says,
" Hard to fool them circle flies though. "
Reply #154 Tuesday, December 6, 2022 8:43 PM
I changed my mind after recovering from the food poisoning.
Reply #156 Saturday, December 17, 2022 8:08 PM
I changed my mind after recovering from the food poisoning.
Reply #157 Sunday, December 18, 2022 12:17 AM
“Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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Reply #141 Thursday, October 27, 2022 4:47 AM